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Hazardous Material

Posted in Funnyon May 19, 2009

I frequently read the Police Beat from the BYU Newspaper’s website.  While the rest of the police beat is usually filled with thefts or people reporting a suspicious individual who could not be found by officers, this one made me smile:

May 13: An individual called to report a strong odor coming from somewhere inside the Tanner Building. Officers discovered it was only the maintenance crew unclogging toilets, bringing out sewer gas odors. That section of the building was aired out.

The funniest part was the title of the beat: Hazardous Material.

Dog Leash Problem

Posted in Funnyon Mar 4, 2009

Sometimes I think that they should write an entire article on a single police beat, just because it could really be interesting. That is the case with one of the recently published beats:

Feb. 27: An elderly man was walking with two Chihuahuas when one of them got loose and began running around the Talmage Building. Police were unable to find the dog.

The poor professor who finds the dog in his office the next morning.

And then I just have a big fat question about this one:

Feb. 26: Police received a call from a resident of Taylor Hall who had been approached by a freelance member of the media. The man was filming student responses to questions about the LDS faith and wanted to put the film on MTV. The man said he was unaware of campus filming restrictions and left.

BYU has campus fiming restrictions?  Since when?  Of course the man was unaware, because who is?

Police beats too good to not share

Posted in Funnyon Feb 12, 2009

I try and only share police beats which are actually funny, and today I found some that are at least slightly amusing, especially when you hear my commentary.

First, a story about theft:

Feb. 6 Twenty-one laptop computers have been stolen from the KMB. The situation is currently under investigation.

Ok, this one is kind of lame that they didn’t give more details.  How do 21 laptops go missing in a building that was torn down months ago, and the only commentary is that it is under investigation.  Were they all stollen at the same time, or from the same place?  Stealing one or two laptops, not so hard, but you can’t tell me that someone walked out of a torn down building with 21 laptops in their backpack. 

And now, education about who not to call when you are having a bad day:

Feb. 9 A professor received a call from an unknown male party at his office. The young male was upset at his girlfriend about an illicit affair and started swearing. It appeared he had the wrong number.

I can see the professor’s response to be something like this:  Hello?  Why yes, I am a chemistry professor.  No, not that type of chemistry.  You sound pretty upset, perhaps you meant to call a family sciences professor, I only deal with molecules and atoms and junk.  F what? Maybe you meant to say flourine.  Perhaps you should call a math professor, they can help you get your numbers straight, ’cause you got the wrong number.  Sucka!

And finally, a good lesson on how to mediate a situation:

Feb. 6 A lifeguard at the Richards Building pool called police when two reporters working on laptops from The Deseret News refused to leave. Officers mediated the situation.

I wonder what they mean by “mediated the situation.”  I bet the original draft of this beat read: “Officers with guns told them to leave, nicely.”

Who writes this stuff?

Posted in Funnyon Feb 5, 2009

From Funny

I was wandering through the BYU Bookstore a couple of months ago, and someone pointed this book out to me and I thought it was funny enough to take a photo of.

Now that I take a second look at the photo, it seems less amusing now then when I first saw the book.  I guess there must have been more context when I saw it the first time.  Or, I was in a really funny mood.

Police Beat: pricing stolen clothes

Posted in Funnyon Feb 5, 2009

The latest Police Beat escaped from BYU.  I’ve got a few questions to ask about some of the entries.

Feb. 2: Laundry was stolen from a laundromat at Wymount Terrace. The clothes are valued at $300.

I don’t know about you, but I have no idea how much the clothes in a load of laundry are worth.  My thinking would probably go something like, “I think I had a pair of pants… no… two pairs… I bought them at Kohl’s maybe?  They were $23 each, or were they on sale for $17?  I had some socks in the load as well.  Do clothes depreciate in value if they are worn?  How many socks would I have had in the load, and should I count the sock that is suppose to go missing in the dryer? Then there was that shirt… what is my current subtotal?  Oh, yeah, I forgot to add in the socks…”

Feb. 2: A male student set off a stairwell alarm in the HBLL after entering the off-limits area to talk on his cell phone. When a security guard asked the student to leave the area, the student was aggressive and repeatedly used foul language. Police were called, and the student was banned from the library for 72 hours. The case is currently under investigation with charges pending.

Some people and their cell phones!  Quick sanity check: if you set off an alarm and a security guard asks you to leave the area, is arguing using foul language going to actually help you at all?  Maybe the library needs to install cones of silence for people to use when talking on their phone so they don’t have to go exploring.

Feb. 2: A suspicious man was reported entering the new OIT building on the west side of campus. Police responded and discovered the man was a subcontractor working on the heating system.

What makes a man suspicious?  I’m just curious.  I’ve got a feeling, at BYU, a suspicious man would look just like any other man, except with some facial hair.  ‘Cause that is how it rolls down in Provo.

Jan. 31: Two intoxicated men were using foul language while waiting at the bus stop east of the Wilkinson Center. The men were not allowed on public transportation due to their drunken state and called a friend to come pick them up. Both men have a criminal history and are not affiliated with BYU.

So we don’t want drunks to drive, but we also don’t allow them to take the bus?  Although I understand that public intoxication is a public nuisance, it seems like a slight mixed message to say, don’t drive, but we’re not going to let you take the bus either.

Police beat about group sleep

Posted in Funnyon Jan 29, 2009

Only in Provo, Utah would you read something like this in the Police Beat section of the student newspaper:

Jan. 22: A male and female were found sleeping in the courtyard of the JFSB at 5 a.m. They were found sleeping under some blankets and they said they had just fallen asleep.

It was about 29 degrees outside when they were found at 5am.

Then there was this entry which I find confusing:

Jan. 22: A female victim reported getting an anonymous text message from her ex-boyfriend in the WSC. He has a history of harassing her and the case is under investigation.

I’m confused about how it is both anonymous and from her ex-boyfriend.

Christmas in January

Posted in Funny, Lifeon Jan 19, 2009

Look at all these lights

Look at all these lights

I was walking through Lowe’s tonight with Sandy, and we saw that all their remaining Christmas items were on sale for 50 cents per item.  We found some lights that normally sell for about 7 bucks each, and bought a few of them.  Well, maybe more than a few.  Perhaps, we bought a dozen and a half boxes of lights.  It brought much Christmas delight to my soul.

I have the lights, now I just need the house.


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