Jan. 12: The driver of a white pick-up truck reportedly whipped into a handicap stall, parked and ran to class. Officers confirmed that the running person indeed had a handicap permit.

Perhaps they need, “Sort of handicap” parking spaces and “I’m in a wheelchair” handicap spaces.

My favorite though are the “Expectant Mother” parking spaces out the front of Baby’s ‘R Us.

(Image Source)

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Police: Man Robs Taco Bell, Then Gets Job Application | wltx.com.

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Oct. 11 Several female students left their apartment for 30 minutes to attend ward prayer. When they returned to their apartment, they found a severed elk head on their kitchen table. The suspects could not be identified and the elk was disposed of at the materials handling building.

This was posted under the “trespassing” headline, and I can imagine that it would be threatening to have someone in your apartment without knowing about it, but at least they didn’t damage or steal anything.  They were just leaving a surprise gift.

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Then she said, “We can have three boys but then I want at least one girl.”

I look at her in a way that expressed, I don’t think we get to choose that, to which she responded, “If we are stealing them, we can choose whatever we want, right?”

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September 6: Two male subjects were knocking doors in the female area of Wyview Park. They identified themselves as missionaries. When the police arrived the two male students said they thought it was a novel way to meet girls.

Its kind of like, “Hi, I’m going to lie and deceive you into thinking that I’m a missionary, and then you’ll want to date me.”  Not the best of ideas.  But maybe we could give them a break, they probably only started their freshman year a week earlier.

I also thought this one was funny:

September 5: Two students tried trespassing into the LaVell Edwards Stadium. Because they were unsuccessful they were not arrested.

Note to future self: Avoid getting arrested by not being successful on your next trespass attempt.

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Immitation Mozzarella Cheese

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July 4: An owl was found in the former president’s Home. An officer communicated with the owl and it left.

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We’re sorry to inform you but the flight to Pheonix is delayed, but as a consolation prize, this is a wide open flight as there are only 28 passengers. However, we emplore all passengers to take a window seat so our flight will look full.

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May 13: An individual called to report a strong odor coming from somewhere inside the Tanner Building. Officers discovered it was only the maintenance crew unclogging toilets, bringing out sewer gas odors. That section of the building was aired out.

The funniest part was the title of the beat: Hazardous Material.

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Feb. 27: An elderly man was walking with two Chihuahuas when one of them got loose and began running around the Talmage Building. Police were unable to find the dog.

The poor professor who finds the dog in his office the next morning.

And then I just have a big fat question about this one:

Feb. 26: Police received a call from a resident of Taylor Hall who had been approached by a freelance member of the media. The man was filming student responses to questions about the LDS faith and wanted to put the film on MTV. The man said he was unaware of campus filming restrictions and left.

BYU has campus fiming restrictions?  Since when?  Of course the man was unaware, because who is?

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