Police beats too good to not share

Posted in Funnyon Feb 12, 2009

I try and only share police beats which are actually funny, and today I found some that are at least slightly amusing, especially when you hear my commentary.

First, a story about theft:

Feb. 6 Twenty-one laptop computers have been stolen from the KMB. The situation is currently under investigation.

Ok, this one is kind of lame that they didn’t give more details.  How do 21 laptops go missing in a building that was torn down months ago, and the only commentary is that it is under investigation.  Were they all stollen at the same time, or from the same place?  Stealing one or two laptops, not so hard, but you can’t tell me that someone walked out of a torn down building with 21 laptops in their backpack. 

And now, education about who not to call when you are having a bad day:

Feb. 9 A professor received a call from an unknown male party at his office. The young male was upset at his girlfriend about an illicit affair and started swearing. It appeared he had the wrong number.

I can see the professor’s response to be something like this:  Hello?  Why yes, I am a chemistry professor.  No, not that type of chemistry.  You sound pretty upset, perhaps you meant to call a family sciences professor, I only deal with molecules and atoms and junk.  F what? Maybe you meant to say flourine.  Perhaps you should call a math professor, they can help you get your numbers straight, ’cause you got the wrong number.  Sucka!

And finally, a good lesson on how to mediate a situation:

Feb. 6 A lifeguard at the Richards Building pool called police when two reporters working on laptops from The Deseret News refused to leave. Officers mediated the situation.

I wonder what they mean by “mediated the situation.”  I bet the original draft of this beat read: “Officers with guns told them to leave, nicely.”

3 Comments

Alishka Babushka

February 12th, 2009 at 12:05 pm

my favorite part of this…the KMB no longer exists. it got bull-dozed down like 8 months ago….

Jacob

February 12th, 2009 at 12:58 pm

Thanks Alisha for reminding me that they tore down the building. I added a little text to my commentary accordingly to make it even funnier.

Sandy

February 12th, 2009 at 1:10 pm

I do enjoy a good “sucka.” Way to throw one in.

Also…I think I like the commentary on the police mediation best of all.

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