How people view you

Sometimes we feel like we are misunderstood, or we are curious to understand why people interact with us in the way they do. I would like to think that I’m optimistic. I think that generally people will treat you the way they think you want to be treated. This doesn’t always mean that they will treat you the way you want to be treated, or the way you should be treated. I propose that there are three main contributions that help people figure out how they should treat you and interact with you.

People will treat you the way you treat yourself. How you treat yourself, and what you think of yourself influences how other people treat you and what they think of you. Even if you do not communicate your ideas about yourself directly to others, they will pick up and sense your general attitudes and feelings toward yourself.

For example, some people believe they are stupid, fat, or unworthy. The more these people reflect upon these attributes, the more they will act accordingly. Others will pick up on the self-reflected attitudes and behave accordingly toward the individual. Contrarily, if someone were to think of themselves as confident, able, and smart, then they have taken the first step toward winning the same opinion from others. In some cases, merely pondering about a self-attribute can bring on self change which may influence others.

People will treat you the way peers treat you. As people begin to decide how they should interact with you, they will look at how others interact with you. They will primarily observe the interactions of two groups of people: your circle of friends, and those people whose opinions they trust.

I remember a situation when I was a resident assistant in the dorms. One of the residents often got razzed a little bit by some of the other residents. He didn’t seem to be offended, so being the guy to get razzed was just his trademark. Regretfully, I saw the way the other residents treated him, and I treated him the same way. I treated him the way everyone else treated him. In the years later, I would frequently meet him, but in these subsequent meetings, I showed a lot more love and appreciation for him, and I was almost surprised to see appreciation reciprocated in ways I never knew before.

People will treat you according to the feedback you give them. People will interact with you in ways they think you will appreciate. If you respond to positive interaction with appreciation, you will likely see more similar interactions. If you give negative feedback when people treat you in ways you don’t think you should be treated, then the other person, will likely cease the offending behavior.

People pick up reactions in different ways. There may be cases when you have to be very direct with someone in your positive or negative feedback. Don’t be afraid to say, “Don’t treat me this way.”

In my previous example about the resident who was on my floor, when I started treating him with love and appreciation, I received good positive feedback from him as he reciprocated the appreciation. I continued to treat him positively because of the feedback I received.

Some people believe they must always be nice and courteous to others. While this is important, do not let others interpret this kindness as positive reinforcement for the negative ways they treat you.

In conclusion, if you think people are treating you wrong, you can change things. You must first change how you treat and represent yourself. Become the person you want people to see you as. Second, be especially careful how you act around your friends. The influence you have on your friends will be multiplied to others. Don’t act wild around your friends and then expect others to treat you civilized. And lastly, be aware of the positive or negative feedback you give others. Make sure the way you react to other actions is appropriate.