On hand holding and kissing

On one of the mailing lists I subscribe to, there was this question that went out:

Subject: ONLY FOR GUYS TO ANSWER…

Hey I was just wondering what yall thought about Whom should make the
first move the guy or the gurl on matters such as: holding hands or
kissing, for the first time?

And if a gurl were to make the first move how would you feel
about/like that?

When I was in Romania for my LDS mission, handholding wasn’t such a big deal. It would be normal to hold hands with friends. You would see girls walk down the street hand in hand all the time. They were not homosexual, just friends. It wouldn’t be unusual for me to walk down the street arm in arm with my missionary companion. Of course, my personal preference was against doing that, but it wouldn’t have been socially unacceptable if I had done so.

I mention that to illustrate the point that every society has different norms for physical contact. Each individual also has their own personal preferences. In deciding when is is appropriate to make a move physically in a relationship, it is important to remember the social norms and personal preferences in doing so.

Now the norm in our modern American society has been changing over the years I think. It used to be that the social norm was more that the man in the relationship would be the one to make the moves. However, with traditional gender roles have been fading and there are fewer reasons to assume that it is the male’s role in the relationship to make advances. Tradition, of course, opposes modern trends in advancements, and thus will remind us of the traditional male role. The societal norm, conclusionally, is that either gender is free to make relationship advancements, but with more emphasis placed on the male’s role because of tradition.

The freedom of the societal norm gives great flexibility to the personal preferences of an individual who is dating. Let me discuss though, a particular trend that I’ve seen. Girls want to be understood and loved, while guys want to provide. If a girl has a problem, she wants someone to understand how she feels about the problem. If a guy has a problem, he wants it to be fixed. Not that dating is a problem, but in a relationship, girls often tend to focus more on emotional understanding and love, and guys tend to think more about showing affection through actions. Individual dating preferences often will follow these trends. Girls want to feel like they are a great catch. They will tend not to make the moves because they prefer that the man in the relationship proves his affection for her by overcoming any nerves or awkwardness in making advances. Guys must consider carefully his feelings for a girl before he makes any moves and conquers and fears he may have of doing so. In this way, physical affection will represent the emotional affection between the couple and the kissing and handholding will become more enjoyable.

It is also worthy to note the importance of keeping relationships in this balance. Physical affection should be initiated only when there is an equivalent level of emotional affection. It should also remain in balance with the commitment of the relationship. When these three aspects of a relationship (physical affection, emotional affection, and commitment) are in balance, then the relationship will be more enjoyable and profitable for the involved individuals. When a relationship is developing, the couple should plan a variety of activities to do together so that the three aspects of a relationship grow in balance.

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