But…

Please don’t make out on the couch, especially when I’m home.

Thanks.

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Subject: ONLY FOR GUYS TO ANSWER…

Hey I was just wondering what yall thought about Whom should make the
first move the guy or the gurl on matters such as: holding hands or
kissing, for the first time?

And if a gurl were to make the first move how would you feel
about/like that?

When I was in Romania for my LDS mission, handholding wasn’t such a big deal. It would be normal to hold hands with friends. You would see girls walk down the street hand in hand all the time. They were not homosexual, just friends. It wouldn’t be unusual for me to walk down the street arm in arm with my missionary companion. Of course, my personal preference was against doing that, but it wouldn’t have been socially unacceptable if I had done so.

I mention that to illustrate the point that every society has different norms for physical contact. Each individual also has their own personal preferences. In deciding when is is appropriate to make a move physically in a relationship, it is important to remember the social norms and personal preferences in doing so.

Now the norm in our modern American society has been changing over the years I think. It used to be that the social norm was more that the man in the relationship would be the one to make the moves. However, with traditional gender roles have been fading and there are fewer reasons to assume that it is the male’s role in the relationship to make advances. Tradition, of course, opposes modern trends in advancements, and thus will remind us of the traditional male role. The societal norm, conclusionally, is that either gender is free to make relationship advancements, but with more emphasis placed on the male’s role because of tradition.

The freedom of the societal norm gives great flexibility to the personal preferences of an individual who is dating. Let me discuss though, a particular trend that I’ve seen. Girls want to be understood and loved, while guys want to provide. If a girl has a problem, she wants someone to understand how she feels about the problem. If a guy has a problem, he wants it to be fixed. Not that dating is a problem, but in a relationship, girls often tend to focus more on emotional understanding and love, and guys tend to think more about showing affection through actions. Individual dating preferences often will follow these trends. Girls want to feel like they are a great catch. They will tend not to make the moves because they prefer that the man in the relationship proves his affection for her by overcoming any nerves or awkwardness in making advances. Guys must consider carefully his feelings for a girl before he makes any moves and conquers and fears he may have of doing so. In this way, physical affection will represent the emotional affection between the couple and the kissing and handholding will become more enjoyable.

It is also worthy to note the importance of keeping relationships in this balance. Physical affection should be initiated only when there is an equivalent level of emotional affection. It should also remain in balance with the commitment of the relationship. When these three aspects of a relationship (physical affection, emotional affection, and commitment) are in balance, then the relationship will be more enjoyable and profitable for the involved individuals. When a relationship is developing, the couple should plan a variety of activities to do together so that the three aspects of a relationship grow in balance.

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I found you tonight. The last time we talked we were young. Things were different. We were shorter. You held my hand on the way home from elementary school. You told me that it didn’t mean anything. Too bad I was too young for it to actually mean anything. Still, you were the first to hold my hand in that way.

Those were the days when “going out” meant that boys chased girls on the playground. The playground used to confuse me. I would rather read books than mindlessly beat a ball against the wall at recess. Didn’t I realize that I was just a kid and that I needed to play?

Remember in the 4th grade we had desks near each other. There was another girl, her name was Kelly–was that how you spelled it? We were a team, the three of us. Unstoppable we were. In high school she didn’t know me. She talked to my junior health class, how she got into some drugs and stuff and messed up her life some, but that she was getting better. I remember her innocence, in that 4th grade class, and to see how it was polluted and self-punished was more than a little sad. She was a part of the team. Maybe she forgot about that, but I still hope she is doing well.

I see myself in the reflection of my kitchen window. If our 4th grade team were to see my reflection right now, would I surprise you? Am I different than you would have expected? Am I too short? Have I lost too much? Would I disappoint you? Perhaps my greatest fear, to disappoint.

We used to solve puzzles together. You were so smart. I remember that. I think I realize now that I’ve always admired intelligence and brilliance. There are many beautiful crayons in the 64 count Crayola box, but only a few are brilliant. There are many beautiful people in this world, but you are one of the brilliant ones.

After elementary school graduation, you went to another school. I remember the next time I saw you, I randomly ended up tracting up to your door. Yours was the first door I knocked on, and I was so nervous just to be knocking on someone’s door, that I was staring incessantly at my feet. As the door opened, my eyes began their journey upwards, to see you standing there. I was old enough at the time to actually like girls in a real sense, and as I saw you, I recognized how attractive you had become since fourth grade. I froze–not being able to say a word. All I could barely do in my paralyzed state was to nudge one of my colleagues so that they would share the welcome-mat message.

Since that time, I saw you but just a few scattered moments, each made my heart flitter a bit like a kid choosing a flavor of lollipops.

I talked to you for just a few moments tonight, online, and my mind still clings to all the words displayed on the screen. Will our futures ever collide again? If I see you, will I be just some distant acquaintance, or will it be a reunion? I had one of those fourth grade crushes on you way back in those days of simple worries. That was over fifteen years ago, and I still have a fourth grade crush on you, or at least, a crush on the memory of what you might have grown up to be. Should our paths cross at more than just an intersection, I look forward to become your friend again, in maybe a way that won’t be quite so fourth grade.

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Why does my heart beat so fast,
How come you make me nervous?
No one like you in my past,
Oh I ache for this service.

No one understands my thinkings
but as of late
they are of you
almost consumed, like paper to flames
let my glow as bright, but without the distruction

Seeing you is is like tasting sugar, but more pure, like tasting light
The after taste lingures on my tounge as if I crave more
But how should I taste something I do not know?

Dreaming is my release.
My hope of you.
Am I in love with you,
or with just the dream?

I feel overwelmed,
like at the top of the roller coaster,
but this car has an exit
will I decend?

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I was looking for her, and she walked right past me. I was going to say hi or something and walk with her, except that she was already talking to a boy, she didn’t see me, and I choked on my plans to talk to her.

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