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Gold at the end of the rainbow

Following a previous post where I tell the story of how I started dating Sandy, I thought I would continue and talk about how I proposed.

Last February, I was visiting my parents in Oregon with Sandy, and I knew the time was right to propose. Mostly I knew because I had been planning it for a while and I finally acquired the ring which I was going to give her. We were in Oregon for Presidents Day weekend, which included Valentines day. I didn’t want to propose on Friday the 13th (maybe a little superstitious) and Sandy said it would be too cheesy to propose on Valentines day (so instead we visited the Tillamook cheese factory).

I needed to “ask her father’s permission” before proposing, but I had a hard time getting a hold of him on Sunday. When I finally did begin speaking with him on the phone, I told him that I was Jacob Brunson and he asked, “Do I know you?” to which I responded, “I hope so, I’ve been dating your daughter.”

Sandy knew all of this was going on, and she really wanted me to propose, even it if was just casual like in my parents living room. I wanted it to be a little more special, so I thought and thought about one last activity in Oregon on Monday, February 16. Going to bed Sunday night, all I knew is that I wanted it to be a little scenic.

The first thought in my mind waking up Monday morning was that I should propose on a bridge. I got on the Internet, and started researching the most romantic bridges in Portland. I found one in Portland’s Japanese Gardens, and I thought it would be the perfect place. The Japanese are right next to the Rose Garden park, so I told Sandy that I thought we should go up to see the rose gardens, which overlook downtown Portland, and have a great view.

I proposed on the other side of the bridge, right behind where Sandy is standing

As we are driving past the Oregon Zoo to the Rose Gardens, Sandy sees the sign for the Japanese gardens and asks if we can go there. I responded that I thought it was a great idea, but didn’t lead on that it was my plan all along. When we get to the entrance of the gardens I found out that they normally open at noon on Mondays, except that they had a free admission day for President’s Day and that it was going to open in twenty minutes. With the ring burning a hole in my pocket, I was thinking, “Sweet, I don’t have to spend $20 in admissions!”

The whole way home, Sandy couldn't stop looking at the ring.

We enter the garden and wander around for a little bit, as we near the bridge, I realize that there were so many people taking advantage of the free-admission holiday that it wasn’t really the private setting I had hoped for. But I found a little secluded spot with a view of the bridge, and there gave Sandy a letter which I wrote her earlier that morning. The letter had pictures of us during our time in Oregon. After she was finished with reading the letter, I knelt down on one knee and pulled out the ring. She grabbed the ring faster than I could put it on her finger, and I’m like, “So you answer is yes?”

We bought some egg rolls from Costco on the way home to share with my family to celebrate.

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But at the same time, I thought his wife was kind of crazy for marrying him when he didn’t even have a decent enough job to provide for himself.I’m not saying that only rich people should get married.  But I do think that everyone should look at the job potential of their future spouse, and that is where it gets tricky, because it is easy to get over optimistic about the potential of the person you love.  But a commitment like marriage requires some realistic outlook.

What I think is realistic, is looking at the career momentum of the person.  If the person is progressing through school, or successfully climbing a corporate ladder, then that person has good career momentum.  But if they aren’t in school, then you kind of have to expect them to maintain the same career path that they are currently in.  You cannot expect someone to make a dramatic change to their job potential at some latter point after marriage.

I guess all of the above was an elaborate way of saying, don’t marry someone with a dead-end job.

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It is with that definition that I wish to argue that marriage is not a human right.  Many people claim that it is a basic human right to marry the person they love, but they are wrong.

Consider a child, to whom the human rights of food, shelter, education are given.  If a child is in love with someone, should they be able to marry?  Of course not.

Marriage is not a human right.  Human rights don’t need licenses or certificates.  There isn’t such thing as a license to eat.  But marriage licenses and marriage certificates do exist.

Marriage is instead a privilege afforded by governments and/or religions.

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Divorced couples use more space in their respective homes, equating to 38 million more rooms to heat, light, and air condition. Divorced couples also consume 73 billion kilowatt-hours more of electricity and 627 billion gallons more of water than married couples.

More details of the study are provided at New Scientist, which provides more quotes and statistics about divorce and its effect on the environment.

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If you are one of the accused, you might want to check out beforeforever.byu.edu which has worksheets for planning weddings and other pre-marital information.

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These phrases seem a little odd to me.  They always seem to allude that the particular someone special is a person we haven’t met yet.  I think it may be unfair to think this way.  There are always possibilities that we will marry someone we have already met, but haven’t yet dated.

I think single people should keep an open mind about who they might eventually marry, and not limit their potential companions to those they haven’t yet met.

Furthermore, if singles put themselves in the mind-frame that they will marry someone they haven’t yet met, then they risk creating a habit of always looking for the next person, whom they will never actually find.

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Do people in pre-arranged marriages need to date? If you were in a pre-arranged marriage, do you date and get to know your arranged fiance?

On one hand, dating can be a stressful activity, and one that could be avoided completely in a pre-arranged marriage situation. Not only that, but eliminating dating could be financially beneficial.

On the other hand, dating can be a fun activity where the couple can get to know each other. Even in a pre-arranged marriage, learning about the other person in various situations, including pre-marital and dating situations, could prove to be helpful later when married. Not only that, but the beginning stages of marriage can be difficult time merging two lives into a companionship, and dating before marriage could alleviate the difficulties during that phase.

Fortunately, this question doesn’t really need to be answered.

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Things are a little bit more stressful that usual. I actually have friends to play with. This is a change over last year when most of my friends were married, but then I made some more friends. My sister is getting married in two days. That is causing a lot of stress around the house.

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