Like always, I continue to thinking about dating and the building of relationship. I’ve decided that I’m sticking with my definition of desperate: that it involves ignoring the natural order and process of relationship building.

My new thought for the week is that I’m going to go ahead and continue to assert that the average Fort Collins East Target Super Center employee is more attractive than the average Walmart employee.

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The last couple of weeks have been hard. Stressful. I look forward to Monday, which is the start of the rest of my semester.

I am like a zener diode.

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I ate four peanut butter and honey sandwiches today.

BYU basketball plays in The Pit Wednesday night and I hope they win.

I like sleep. I like getting a lot of it.

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I really don’t like going to wedding receptions. All the old people keep poking me and saying “You’re next,” as if that meant anything. Maybe I should start going to funerals and poking the old people saying, “You’re next.” I swore that the next wedding reception I would go to would be my own (I thought that would get me out of having to go to them for a long time). But tomorrow (which is actually later today) I’m going against my previously stated convictions and I’m going to one. The main reason is because I want to see friends who will be there that I otherwise would be unable to see.

Are people with freckles at higher risk for skin cancer?

Am I really ready to subject myself to extreme mental and social pressures again? Am I ready to go back to Provo? Maybe the question I should be asking inquires if Provo is ready for me.

Do any of my friends need a color ink jet printer? I have a brand new in box printer (Epson C86) that I have little use for and I’m wondering what I should do with it.

I made crepes last night for dinner. I made my usual recipe and a recipe out of my mom’s weight loss recipe book, and I could hardly tell the difference. Living at home has caused me to eat healthier, mainly because I have more time to cook, and more foods available.

I don’t know that I’ve ever told this story on my blog, but at the beginning of the term there was new student convocation where the Portland State president and some other people wanted to give some general pep talks and a few other things like that. But unlike BYU, Portland State’s convocation isn’t a part of their orientation program, so it wasn’t very well attended. To help motivate people to come, they advertised a bunch of door prizes and such. Well, the morning of convocation, my alarm went off and I was debating with myself about whether or not it was actually worth getting out of bed to go, and I decided that all I would get done is some extra sleep if I stayed home, so I went, and I sat through their boring speeches and stuff, and then they did the drawings for the door prizes and I won! I got a $250 gift card to the book store. The problem is that I’m only at PSU for a semester, so it isn’t like I needed a lot of books from the bookstore, so in addition to the one book I had to buy, I bought myself an iPod. Now I still have a little bit left over, and I’m trying to decide what I should buy. I’m thinking about a sweatshirt that says Portland State or something like that. Maybe I’ll also buy some general school supplies since those are always good.

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I love clean teeth. I mean, I love it when my teeth are clean. I guess I also like it when others teeth are clean, but that takes second place to my own teeth being clean. Fortunately, I haven’t come across appropriate occasion to share a life-saver.

I think I’ve gained some weight this week. Too many pies, cookies, and thanksgiving food. Too little exercise. Maybe the time is appropriate to enact certain plans to keep this putative weight gain from being a problem.

I mentioned a few days earlier that I think I’ve discovered my evil proclivity toward procrastination. I think I get some sort of adrenalin rush off of trying to do things at the last moment. As with many other addictions, there are side effects, and I think at times my addiction messes up my emotional balance. It also causes stress. Fortunately, I’ve gotten pretty good at dealing with this, but that doesn’t mean that over time it can’t wear me down if I don’t seek help in some way or another. It should be a red flag if TV commercials can cause allergic eye reactions. That is unless the commercial happens to be one of those LDS “family: its about time” commercials. They always get me. Actually, there is only about one thing that has a chance to get me, and it is displays of selflessness and love toward others. I’m off topic now, but the point is that I need to find some way to get myself off this addiction.

Sometimes living on a rainy island, isolated from the fears and tears, is worse than riding out the hurricane. Mixing metaphors like it is chocolate chip cookie dough, the seeds being to create new bridges between the worlds. When I reach the other side, will I recognize myself as the person who was worthy enough to harvest the crop? I once thought that I was missing something like crazy nothing, until I found that life-savers dissolve more quickly than one would like. Now I’m afraid to desire that which is departed with fears that I may find the well traveled path. Me and my gang were never enough to resolve the disputes between the heart, fingers, and eyes. Jumping off the train is always scarier than jumping on, but not any more severe than the fright of unknowingly staying on. Angels to comfort; seeing single rather than double; you can help. When I hear the song, I can’t help but to think what if you and I forgot that friendship on the cold night when stars fell from the sky. The most important thing to remember is you. Electrical pulses dancing on the lines, please show me the directions and show me the signs.

BYU beat Utah today with pull-over-mama fashion worthy of never being forgotten.

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I made my pie, and I’ve eaten most of it. I’m not generally a calorie counter, but I figure as long as I don’t eat more than half of the pie in a day, I’ll live.

I accidentally fell asleep early last night. I was going to take a quick nap before the eight o’clock television hour, but I ended up sleeping through until midnight. So what do you do when you wake up at midnight? I read some blogs and went back to bed, although I didn’t sleep very well, but it didn’t bother me. For most of the night I felt like I was just kind of floating on day dreams, but during the night. That didn’t make sense, but oh, well, swallow. Sad thing is that I slept in this morning too.

Jennifer once told me that punctuation is an art and something to be passionate about. I’m not sure if I’m passionate about it, but I do think it is an art. Following the metaphor, my punctuation is like throwing cans of paint at a wall.

Why do all bombs on the TV shows have wires where if you cut the right colored wire it disarms the device? I bet that in real life it doesn’t work that way.

Is spirit matter? It doesn’t seem to be a solid, liquid, or gas. Maybe the type of matter of which spirit is composed exists in an alternate dimension, meaning, not height, width, nor depth, but spirit. Scientists claim there are at least 11 dimensions, maybe spirit is one of them.

Having been reading many blogs recently, I think I observe a trend of frustration and stress. I think this might be due to the fact that many are working hard at school in a stretch of hard work right before the Thanksgiving holiday. I’m kind of stressed out too. But I think that if we all spend a moment to think of one or two of the things we enjoy, and then do those things, then we can see a reprieve in the rains and storms that come out ways.

Someone told me they loved me the other day. Well, actually, they just wrote it and I read it. I’m pretty sure they were meaning the kind of friendly platonic sort of love, but it felt good anyway.

Change is a funny thing. I mean, sometimes we grow up in life expecting things to be a certain way when we are a certain age. And then we reach that age, and it isn’t what we thought it would be like. Do we give up our dream and follow some more practical ideology, or do we continue to follow our dreams trusting that we will someday grasp them?

Ah, my heart doth ache for that which doth not disappoint.

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Its another rainy, blowy, Oregon day. I really like it, especially with the new waterproof coat that I bought myself. It is a little chilly, but I just put my hood on, and all the wind and the chills and the rain stay outside, and the good warm feelings stay inside.

As soon as I got home, I got this incredible desire for pie, specifically, pumpkin pie. The Sara Lee pumpkin pie went even more on sale this week, and is now less than a dollar fifty per pie. But the thing is, I know I should be cutting back on sweets and things so I don’t get fat. I mean, what girl is going to marry a fat Jacob? So I want the pie, but when I compare the options of a piece of pie against eternal companionship….. but there are no promises that the pie will make me fat or that I’ll ever get married, so it’s not really a competition like that. I don’t think I have any whipped cream, and that could be a problem. What I really want is just for someone to give me permission to eat the pie.

I wouldn’t feel so guilty about eating pie if I was more active. I really want to hike a mountain, but I have no one to go with me.

We talked about the creation in institute class today. I can’t believe how much people on both sides of the evolution topic get worked up. I know I’m a child of God. I exist. All the little details about how Adam was created…. well, if it was important to my salvation, then it would be in the Book of Mormon.

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I went to institute tonight, and it was really good. We were studying from D&C 42:6 where it says, “Declaring my word like unto angels of God,” which makes me think, “How do angels declare the word of God, and how can we emulate it?” We also talked briefly about verse 21: “Thou shalt not lie,” which reminded me of a previous post about how the worst lies can be the ones we tell ourselves.

I’ve been reading some blogs, and I’m wondering why people don’t seem to care about capitalization and punctuation. It doesn’t seem like it is that hard to get it right.

I think there is something about bread which demands chocolate. Nutella is some of the best stuff on Earth, but when I don’t have any, chocolate milk is the beverage of choice when eating bread and butter.

I have a test coming up in my physics class Monday, so I’m going to be studying my brains out this week.

Speaking of brains, I watched the new NBC show 3lbs tonight, and I’m glad that they didn’t kill off the little girl, because I would have been mad.

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I ate too much apple pie today. The Sara Lee pies have been on sale for $1.98 each (no sales tax) so I’ve been eating way too much pie as of late. This is my first pie though in over a week, so I think maybe I’m doing ok now.

I think I make a big deal over small things. For example, this week I created a new homepage for myself, whatever that means. I’m not even sure if I would want to call it a homepage, but I created it. Initially it was just something small, a quick 20 minute project. But then I wanted to make it better, then more colorful, then I wanted more functionality out of it, then I wanted to make it good enough for other people to use, then I wanted to tweak some of the values, then blah blah blah. I made a big deal about it.

Have you ever wondered if there were an exact copy of yourself, personality and everything, if you would love your copy or be annoyed by it? Would someone who thinks they are always right always argue with his copy? I think that if this were to happen, and I had a copy, I could see tons of stuff that I would hate about myself that otherwise I can’t see in myself.

One of the things that I thought when I moved to Oregon is that I would fit in socially better, and I’m still finding it difficult. I’m not sure if it is because I’m still the new kid, or that the average age of my peers is older, or if I’m just being stupid. Maybe I’m just a nerd and people here don’t want to be around me. I really felt comfortable socially in Provo; I felt like I was on top of the game. Maybe I’ve lost it though, and when I move back to Provo I’ll find it hard to have friends.

Mmm, a slice of apple pie right before bed wouldn’t kill me would it?

Sometimes I struggle with not being married, but sometimes I’m ok with it. I guess maybe what it is is that I’m ok with not being married right now, but I don’t like the idea of being single in the future. For about the last three or four years I was told that “it was my year.” I’m ok with the fact that last year wasn’t my year, or that this year may not be my year either, and I’ll continue to be fine with it as long as my year comes sometime this decade.

Maybe I’m getting a little too personal here and I should be typing all of this in my secret blog. But I’ve also had the thought that I’ve been way to formal or serious on my blog recently, so I’m not really sure what I should type where. In the shower tonight I considered creating yet another blog where I would write all the boring or serious stuff, like politics, sports, and reviews, so I can use this blog more for this personal type of stuff.

Well, I have to teach Sunday School tomorrow, and while my lesson is mostly prepared already, if I don’t get some good sleep tonight, then I’m not going to think clearly enough to be able to make my lesson interesting. So I’m hitting the collection of springs and padding which is commonly called a bed.

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How come no one is around to play tennis at 3:30am? The air is perfect right now, everything seems simple. All sound vibratiosn possibly could be focused on a green tennis ball bouncing against the ground and back up again.

I’ve been trying to find distance, and it has been hard. I remember, but I try not to think about it. Sometimes I feel like I need to turn back and embrace, but I focus on my determination to press forward. If I could only delete the passphrases from my mind, I’m sure I would have no problem with making time.

I have this pair of shorts which saw its end today. I had a small hole near one of the pockets, until I sat down in my chair tonight and heard a ripping sound. A little tug on my back pocket, and it pretty much ripped off completely. So now I’m able to feel a little more air now. The retirement of the shorts is a bit of a problem, because I liked them and haven’t been able to find a good replacement.

I wish I could say I was closing in on some goals, but the harder I try and grasp, the more star systems slip through my fingers. I dream a dream that will never come true. I think back to the good times when I used to embrase the ambitions. If the distance were just a little bit shorter, then maybe I could double the ideas that now seems too short.

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